1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.
2. Learn to work the toilet seat: if it's up put it down.
3. Don't cut your hair. Ever.
4. Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if he can find the perfect present, again!
5. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.
6. Sometimes, he's not thinking about you. Live with it.
7. Don't ask him what he's thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as navel lint, the shotgun formation and monster trucks.
8. Get rid of your cat. And no, it's not different, it's just like every other cat.
9. Dogs are better than ANY cats. Period.
10. Sunday = Sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
11. Shopping is not sport.
12. Anything you wear is fine. Really.
13. You have enough clothes.
14. You have too many shoes.
15. Crying is blackmail. Use it if you must, but don't expect us to like it.
16. Your brother is an idiot, your ex-boyfriend is an idiot and your Dad probably is too.
17. Ask for what you want. Subtle hints don't work.
18. No, he doesn't know what day it is. He never will. Mark anniversaries on a calendar.
19. Yes, pissing standing up is more difficult than peeing from point blank range. We're bound to miss sometimes.
20. Most guys own two to three pairs of shoes-what makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?
21. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers.
22. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
1 comment:
Because I'm A Man. ..
Because I'm a man , when I lock my keys in the car, I will fiddle with a coat hanger long after hypothermia has set in.
Calling AAA is not an option. I will win.
_______________________________________________________________
Because I'm a man , when the car isn't running very well, I will pop the hood and stare at the engine as if I know what I'm looking at. If another man shows up, one of us will say to the other,
"I used to be able to fix these things, but now with all these computers and everything, I wouldn't know where to start."
We will then drink a couple of beers and break wind, as a form of holy communion.
___________________________________________________________
Because I'm a man, when I catch a cold. I need someone to bring me soup and take care of me while I lie in bed and moan.
You're a woman. You never get as sick as I do, so for you, this is no problem.
_________________________________________________________________
Because I'm a man, I can be relied upon to purchase basic groceries at the store, like milk or bread. I cannot be expected to find exotic items like "cumin" or "tofu."
For all I know, these are the same thing.
_________________________________________________________________
Because I'm a man, when one of our appliances stops working, I will Insist on taking it apart despite evidence that this will just cost me twice as much once the repair person gets here and has to put it back together.
_________________________ ________________________________________
Because I'm a man, I must hold the television remote control in my hand while I watch TV. If the thing has been misplaced, I may miss a whole show looking for it.
Though one time I was able to survive by holding a calculator instead
(applies to engineers only).
_________________________________________________________________
Because I'm a man, there is no need to ask me what I'm thinking about.
The true answer is always either sex, cars, sex, sports or sex.
I have to make up something else when you ask, so just don't ask.
________________________________________________________________
Because I'm a man, you don't have to ask me if I liked the movie. chances are, if you're crying at the end of it, I didn't . . and if you are feeling amorous afterwards . . then I will certainly at least remember the name and recommend it to others.
__________________________________________________________________
Because I'm a man, I think what you're wearing is fine.
I thought what you were wearing five minutes ago was fine, too.
Either pair of shoes is fine.
With the belt or without it, looks fine.
It does not make your butt look too big.
It was the pasta, potatoes and margaritas that did that.
Your hair is fine.
You look fine.
Can we just go now?
___________________________________________________________________
Because I'm a man, and this is, after all, the year 2007, I will share equally in the housework.
You just do the laundry, the cooking, the cleaning, the vacuuming, and the dishes, and I'll do the rest.
Like, wandering around in the garden with a beer, wondering what to do.
This has been a public service message for women to better understand men.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
See what's free at AOL.com.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Shape Yahoo! in your own image. Join our Network Research Panel today!
This email was cleaned by emailStripper, available for free from http://www.papercut.biz/emailStripper.htm
Post a Comment